Writing contest?

Subject: Re: Writing contest? Sun Dec 25, 2011 11:09 am

Well, right now I'm redrafting my chapters.. I've the first chapter redrafted.. So here ._.
Also, please critique me on my grammar and vocabulary. I want to improve my English. It's not my first language so I want to make my parents proud, because that's the subject I did worst in the exams this year. 74% @ v @
The chapter introduces my main OC, Luka. He's the one narrating. And it also introduces my other OC Rawr :3

It's in here:

Chp 1

"Where...? Wha-?"
I sat up. Everything around me was completely white. Well there wasn't a lot of things in the vast room itself- apart from the simple bed and its mattress and other components.

My mind wasn't very clear at the time. I looked down at myself. I was wearing the same clothes as before... Before what? I couldn't remember what happened before I had woken up. Noticing how long my hair seemed to be all of a sudden, I gave a random scream. I tried hard to remember anything that had recently happened as my shrill voice echoed throughout the lonely room.
But still, nothing appeared in my blank mind, instead a boy burst in and asked in a slightly panicked tone, "Are you alright??"

I'm not sure why, but my reply was, "Where did that door come from??" in an even more startled voice. The boy (either he was a very young nurse or he looked very young for his age) just stared at me with and irritated look on his face.
Now that I think of it, it did look as if there was no door in the room at all. Though I did find out later that the door and its own dorknob were painted white too.

"Are you alright?" the nurse repeated.
"Um, yeah, but why do I have bandages on me? Why am I in bed? Where am I? Oh, and-"
"You're injured. You're in hospital and it's time for your checkup," he interrupted.
I stood up and skipped to the older boy, who's eyes had now widened. I guess I was surprised too because I couldn't feel any pain or anything. I felt like I could run for a thousand miles without stopping.

We walked in the corridors of the hospital. The walls were a pale yellow while the doors and the ground were mahogany. I looked up at the nurse. He had a tan, perhaps a little darker than mine. His eyes were unusually vague green/grey and his hair was blonde-brown- almost down to his shoulders.
Something was bothering me though- he wore a small cap on his head but there were two large bulges that made the cap stick up. There was also a small lump going up the inside of the back of his shirt...

We stopped at a door that held the sign: Room 126, Doctor's Main Office. The boy opened the door and led me in.

Subject: Re: Writing contest? Sun Dec 25, 2011 6:33 pm

I'm late! >.<
Here, sorry if it's a little creepy.

The tunnel of the never ending darkness:

Everyone at school were talking about it, they didn't know if it was true or a coincidence. A man disappeared from coming to the never ending tunnel of darkness at the night before, they said he kept running to go back out but he never came back. Alyssa was a twelve year old girl who never believed in such stories, but her two friends Michelle and Hunter believed in it.
"That story is so ridiculous! The man must have disappeared because... because." Alyssa said to the other students.
"Because?" the students said, "Because, maybe he found a secret city and he went there forever." she replied.
Everyone didn't believe her, so Alyssa said she would go to that tunnel of darkness the current night and come back from the tunnel, proving that it is not true. Everyone spread the rumor, classmates to classmates, and parents to parents. So that night Alyssa asked her two friends Michelle and Hunter to come with her, but they declined by saying they were too scared to die. Alyssa didn't care and went alone, bringing her flashlight. She finally arrived at the tunnel of darkness, it was a huge tunnel that had spiders, bats and rumor has it, the tunnel was built right on the haunted castle where ghosts and all monsters lived. Alyssa gulped and went in with her flashlight on, she saw dents on the tunnel walls and many red stains. As Alyssa got to the middle of the tunnel, she went back running, but her flashlight turned off and she could hear ghosts flying and grabbing her hands, legs, and her body, so Alyssa screamed and the ghosts stopped grabbing her. Running for her life she saw a light, as she ran for the light, she saw her two friends Michelle and Hunter with flashlights. Alyssa cried and hugged her two friends, "I'm sorry, I went in." Alyssa said. And so the next day, Alyssa went to school with Hunter and Michelle with bruises from when the ghosts grabbed her. All students asked if she was okay and she said "Don't ever go in there, you will die, but thanks to my friends I lived." Alyssa started to cry again and when the city mayor heard about it, he made a statue of her with her two friends on the front of the tunnel, on the statue it read 'Michelle and Hunter has saved Alyssa from the tunnel. So now everyone has stopped going in that tunnel ever again...... but did they stop?

New Fantagian Posts: 1 Join date: 2011-12-27

Makkine wrote:

Any topic, any length, any format. Just write something and send it to me, I'll choose the winners.

There'll be no prizes or anything, it's just for fun and not at all formal. Deadline is December 31.

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