What are your thoughts on you?

I don't like myself. I know that I'm kind, I'm nice, and that people love me. But I'm just don't like myself.
I want to be a hero. But I'll probably never be one.
I don't think I know how to be me.
I think I'm stupid.
I don't know myself.
I'm lazy.
I procrastinate.
I rather have flaws than be perfect but I'm dissatisfied with myself.
I am a horrible friend.
I fail at keeping contact with them.
I'm probably going to end up alone.
I feel like I need to live up to others expectations.
So I pretend to be happy.
I mean I am happy.
But I'm depressed in a another way
I don't know why
I think about death a lot
It makes me sad when someone dies
But sometimes I want to go
But I'm a coward and I'm scared of it
And I know this world is to beautiful to leave
I don't want to betray anyone by doing that selfish act
I don't think I make sense
I get mood swings
But I try to only show that I'm happy
I'm useless
I detest myself
But I love everyone else
My friends
My family
So i don't want to hurt them
But I argue with them a lot
I think I'm selfish
I think I'm greedy
I think I think too much
I want to do vent art
But I'm worried I'll scare others
I want to make a tragedy
But I want happy ends too
I don't really know
I don't want to be told I'm perfect
Because I'll feel guilty
Since I'm just lying to everyone
I want to punch something
But all I do is nothing
I try to surround myself by things I like
Things I live
So I cam pretend I'm happy
Maybe I actually am
But I still don't like myself
How can I be happy and sad at the same time?
I'm confusing.
I don't know.

i hate myself. i really do.
i never act like it around people.
i don't want to a bother.
i don't want to waste people's time with my stupid ranting.
i know i'm really annoying. i would get it if people outright told me to shut up.
and i would do that.
i see the good in people. i see the good in almost everyone.
i see it even in myself, just not as much as others.
i feel so bad for not doing much for people.
i feel so bad because when i do it turns out as complete crap.
i know people care about me, i know they love me, they act like it too.
but i deny it.
i deny it and i don't know why.
i keep on having racing thoughts that get me distracted.
i hate how i have to wake up every day to face the same boring crap i do every day.
i always set myself on small little challenges nand i hate it because i can't stop.
they're so small, but i do them so constantly that theya dd up. it's awful. i can't stop i can't stop i can't stop.
i can't be honest i can't
i can't ask for much because i feel like one of those brats who get what they want for christmas but in another colour and they cry about it
i can't ask for much at all
i cna't say no
i can't
i always question myself. i'm one person. one.
out of 6 billion people.
why the hell do i matter?
why?
i'm in an awful place
i only admit all of this to certain people
they all list it off as just a sickness going around
they all list it off as horomones
they all list it off as just a stage
i know it probably it is
but i keep thinking that it isn't
i've been so tired
i haven't been okay
i really haven't
i can barely get my mind off of it
i need help
i do
but how do i get that help
i don't want pills to help
i don't deserve anything
i have the dumbest opinions
if i committed suicide tonight
what would happen?? i want to find out
i'm overweight and i have acne and i have awful taste ine veryithngn
i over react
i can't do many things nicely
i'm sorry
i'm so sorry
it's easier to type than to say
i'm so sorry
i can't say that
i'm sorry
i can't
say it
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry
it's so easy to type why can't i say it
why can't i say things
why can't i request things
why can't i
WHYD ON'T I JUST LEAVE IT'S NOT LIKE ANYONE WOULD CARE RIGHT


but theni remember
those who care about me
those who love me
what effect would that have on them
i'm an idiot
i shou.dn't of thought htose things wow why did i do that
why
oh godd i don't want to exist anymore i'm the hugest idiot
why can't i erase eveyrone's memory of me
then die
the only thing worth living for is for others' pleasure
the only thing worth living for is to see what tomorrow will bring
i keep on seeing what that next second will bring, what that next minute, hour, day, week, month, season, year, decade will bring
i worry
what if my dad passes out from his drinking and cracks his head open
what if he dies
what if i go deep into depression
what if i have major anxiety
what if i never dig out of this hole
ohg od ohg oghoshoshoshgsohdohgodhod


i'm sorry

friends were never easy for me. I was that little girl that was picked last for the team. In elementry school I was ignored. I felt left out and I couldn't understand why people didn't like me. Looking back I know I was really lame. I wore only boys clothes, and my hair was hardly ever brushed. I have friends now though, but I swear they find me boring. I dot know how to change that. I don't want to lose them and go back to being ignored. It sucks being the odd one out. The girl without a friend to share secrets with. The girl without someone to sit with at lunch. I have no idea how to get friends. I feel like a different person with each one of them. The emotions that I want to feel look faked, and when I speak my voice is too quiet, and sometimes I stutter. Talking to me is not fun apparently. I always feel out of te loop. I much rather prefere texting. Which is awful. But I am more free then. I don't have to shy away from big or hard words because I fear I'd stutter or say them wrong. I care so much about what people think about me. It makes me awkward and I wish I could stop. I'm awkward in my own skin. I am skinny. I'm not bragging or anything, but I am bony. The downside to that is that I have no figure. Other girls my age have huge cleavage, whereas I have next to none. That never really bothered me until I got tall. I am not a giant, but am pretty tall. I have braces, and I hate my smile, I am lazy, and I will never be the best at anything. I am awkward around grown ups. I am awkward around people my age. I love young kids though. The only reason I am not a babysitter is because I would have to talk to the parents. I am a mess sometimes. I can't figure what I need to do next. I can't express my emotions clearly at times. My friends are drifting away and I don't know how to stop that. I feel annoying. I feel like I bore them. They think I am an idiot. I wish they could read my mind and see the turmoil that is going on in there. I wish I could be everything everyone ever wanted of me. I don't want to disappoint you. But since I am myself, I probably will no matter what.

I never liked myself.
I was the girl who was sometimes lonely
Last one to get picked
The only people who made me apprecited was my best friends.
Also the boys were all my friends
I was the tomboy girl
Best friend with a boy
All other girls
Thought. Boys had cooties
I didn't
I'm sometimes sad
I feel stressed
Since I started middle school.
My parents pressure me about grades
My teachers threaten us with infractions
It's hard.
I know I can't be perfect.
But my parents don't know
I get one bad grade I'm grounded.
So many projects
My head is a blur
So much things
Sometimes I start crying becuase of stress.
I have a very stressed life.
I like what I achieved so far
But it's hard
My parents push me too much
They don't let me be me
I'm silly and I want to relax.
The forum makes me be me
It makes me smile.
You guys don't care what I do
I like you guys
You're all my friends.
I just wish sometimes
My friends would be
Like you guys
I have a frenemie
She hates me in front of her friends
But likes me in text
It's annoying!
I hate her
But she doesn't
I don't know
I told her today I don't like her friends
Now she is finally ignoring me
I know tomorrow she will
Crawl back to me
It's a hard life.
You guys make me
Happy
My best friend
Is the best
But I still love yu guys
We're all big happy forum family
I love you all
I don't care if your boy or girl
We are all one big happy family
Now there's tears in my eyes
I got really side tracked but
I needed to let this out
This need to happen
I needed to write this
I am wringing in my feelings right now
It feels good.
Good
I feel much better from writing this
Thank you
For writing this me
I know I needed to let stuff go
I know this is long
Read it if yu want
Thank you
You guys have made me!
Thank you!

I actually feel happy about how I am right now
A little chubby for a 13-year-old, but I'm happy to be chubby
I'm tall, but I'm proud to be that way
Probably the most insane and humorous out of my friends
My friends and I are a group of losers... and proud to be!
I'm starting to break out of my shyness shell
I don't have the timidity I had back in Kindergarten
I do stumble with my grades in school
But I don't give up
I put my best effort
I have fallen off of my bike once
That may happen again
I'll just have to get back on
And try harder
I'm not afraid to say this loud and proud!
I'm happy the way I am!

I love my life. A lot.

I probably have the besets friends a girl could ever have; They are nice, funny and kind. They ALWAYS help me when i'm sad. THEY MEAN THE WORLD TO ME!

I'm good in school. I'm the third smartest kid in my class! and tats pretty good, claiming my class has over 20 students.

I already know what I want to do with my life and my goals and dreams.

I have the best family in the world!!!

I love my life and I am happy the way I am.

At school, I'm tagged as the Annoying Girl that no one likes. Well, that's how boys and a limited number of girls tag me. A couple of day ago, a boy in school said I should [too innapro just PM me to find out].
As a response to Crona, don't ever do this, but my friend's sister killed herself a couple of days ago because she felt too pressured. I really hope you don't end up like her...
But, that's pretty much only the BAD bad part about me. I seriously don't hate my life! Life is a special gift. I am also known as someone who excels in school. I take dance, and will start gymnastics soon because I can't even do a cartwheel xD.
People always compliment my last name, which you can also find out if you PM me. So far, only Mami knows, because we text and stuff. It's nice texting with her, she's like my text-pal from another country! A mobile pen-pal!
I am the second smartest girl in the grade, and third-chair in the entire band, first-chair in flute. I'm pretty much the only one in the school who watches anime, except a Japanese boy and my best friend, who so far has only seen the first couple of episodes of Baka and Test |p
I have two brothers and ten truckloads of family! They're the best!!
The best dream I've ever had was actually...last night. I was at an anime sleepaway camp with plenty of anime activities! I was in a cabin with Mami, Pastel (idk, but Pastel, Mami and I went together in the same car hehe), Manor, Arigato, Finnian, Squirtle, and Mina. We were in Baka and Test Cabin #3, and our first activity was to roleplay as Black Butler characters, and Finnian was, well, FINNIAN XDDD
The saddest dream I've ever had was also last night. Well, both were. One was a different theory of how Sayaka died (Sayaka jumped off a boat and Homu tried to save her but when she held out her hand Sayaka was already dead ono). The other was about this creepy camp (they drowned all the girls, and the girls who didn't drown had to swim in a shark tank three times a day and I was the only girl that wasn't drowned or put in the sharktank since I could fight) omg that was the saddest dream.

That's all about me!!

I'm happy with my body weight, i'm happy with my life, and i'm happy with my appearance. I'm happy with whatever people have to offer, and I could live off celery, eggs, bread, and yogurt.

Honestly, it's now how I feel. It's what I see. Everyday, people look at me odd. I'm known as the annoying, creepy, stalker, girl that nobody likes.

Yesterday my dad came back from the airport and he weighs 30 pounds more than me. I'm 132 pounds. He then looked at me strangely and said "Charlene, what happened to you? You're fat! You need to loose weight." Although there are girls in my class that are way chubbier than me.

I don't understand why everyone hates me, although I can get annoying. I'm on the badminton team, the flag rugby team, the basketball team, and the track team. I don't understand what makes me "fat". I tell myself I'm happy with the way I am, but I can't help but think, "Am I really?" everyone including my parents make fun of my body although it's normal. My doctor says there's nothing wrong with me.

This fricking sucks.

I am a girl who gets confused a lot. At school I can't play sports because of how bad I am at them. I am the most hated person in most of my classes, and I am really annoying until you get to know me.

I hate being wrong and hate being the center of attention, I make jokes that I think are funny but no one else does, I get annoyed easily, and when I get mad in real life...I FIGHT BACK WITH WORDS. I easily cry and my aspergers make me have odd interests and it is harder for me to get along with everyone.

I am the type of person who dresses like a boy. I am pretty much the only one in my school who has not dated anyone yet, but I really want to be friends with guys. My teachers make new stupid rules every day, and if we break it once, we get a call home. I live with my mom, dad, and two sisters, but soon I will just be with my mom and one sister. yeah my dad and mom are getting divorced
When I am older I want to be a Marine bioligist, animator, and famous youtuber. I also really want to go to a vocaloid concert, swim with orcas and sharks, and meet jenna marbles.
I am really creative and talk a lot when it comes to serious topics.
I have no friends in real life, you are my only friends.
I am not happy at all with my life, but I am thankful for what I do have, Thank you for reading.

i'm not happy, not at all. i live with an alcoholic father who i know loves me and cares for me, but he does more for himself than he does for me. don't get me wrong, he does do things for me, but more for himself. my mom lives in another country than me. i only see her once a year. i'm not happy. i don't want to be like this. i want things to change.
i have panic attacks so often it's not even funny, i have so many suicidal thoughts, i overreact so much, i can't even stay awake during class.
i'm honestly not really bad looking, but i still don't look great. i'm fat. not chubby. fat. i have zits all over my face and body. people even point it out when i run or walk on stairs. a majority of my family and everyone in my class just sees me as "the tall mature girl who draws and spells really well"
i hate it
i hate it so so so much
i want to die badly because i'm just 1 in 6 billion people, what are people going to miss me for?
but then i remember the internet.
my escape from reality
my true friends
they would never know unless i left a suicide note, and that'd hurt them even more.
i can't do that to them
i can't
so i just try to shut up about my complaints because they are so small and nobody cares about them and they are of no importance.
they all have bigger issues than me. i should be there to comfort them. i should feel sorry for them and do all i can for them.
they have no reason to do that for me. they shouldn't even do it for me for the hell of it. they shouldn't.

I guess i'm slightly happy.
I have friends, family, good grades.
I see myself as a nice person.
In primary school i was known as the quiet nice girl.
I didn't talk much.
Scared of being wrong and embarrassed.
I was kind to everyone and just didn't pay attention to the people i disliked.
As i was starting highschool, i realised that i didn't want to be just known as the quiet nice girl.
I guess i was sick of it.
I wanted people to see me differently.
To realise that i had a real personality and i wasn't just the shy girl who didn't speak.
So, i took highschool as a chance to change.
And i did.
Now. I'm happier. I'm louder. I talk more. I'm more confident.Confident enough that i swear but shhh!

But i'm not entirely happy.
My friends say i'm smart because i get good grades.
But they don't realise how much stress i go through.
I work way too hard.
Stress too much.
I think too much.
Care too much.
But the funny thing is, no one pushes me to do well.
Lots of people have the opposite probelm.
But me, my parents, teachers friends.
They don't push me. Not much peer pressure at all.
It's me.
I push myself.
I choose to overwork and stress.
I guess i do it because i feel like that if i have good grades, i'll be happy.
happy and proud of myself.
I feel that it's all i've got.
Good grades.
I'm not happy with the way i look.
I hate the way i look.
But i'm slowly learning to put up with it.
I know insecurity will hurt me. It already has.
I cry.
I cry over stupid things.
Things that i can't control.
I care waaayyy too much about what people think of me.
I hate it.
But it's true.
I'm always thinking.
Trying to figure out what others think of me.
Because i care that much.
I feel awful when people don't like me.
I feel as if I've done something wrong.
So i guess that's why I'm nice to everyone.
So they'll like me.
I just.
I don't know.
There's so much more that goes through my mind.
But i guess all that will have to be a secret.
No one will ever really know how i feel.
But i can live with it.

But other than all that, I'm quite happy.
I'm blessed with amazing friends and a loving family.